I read the body count out of the paper, and now it's written all over my face...

Of course it was going to happen. I feel stupid for even feeling this bad over it. It's not like I can really help it though and neither can they. I just have to learn to suck it up. I'm just so tired of that. I always suck it up and move on. I'm tired of my emotions being completely unimportant to anyone else. What has my life become? I keep submersing myself into my own head and I don't want to talk to anyone about anything. I just want to keep everything to myself lately. I'm just sick of people burdening me with problems, which are never all that bad, I'm being pretty selfish and exaggerating right now, but it is, just what it is and I've accepted dealing with that. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I don't want to burden other people with my shitty life. I'm sure there will be moments with my closest of friends, but beyond that, don't count on it.

I realize, in reality pretty much no one reads this, but I'm not really talking to anyone. This is merely for myself. Things are changing. I've grown up and continue to do so and I've noticed. People around me are doing the same and all I have to say, is that growing up is a really good thing. The best part about growing up is learning things about yourself and becoming who you really are. There's no point in pretending to be anything what you're not. In the end, you can't lie to yourself, and why would you want to. I want to live life. I want to be happy. Embrace yourself. Embrace the world around you and submerse yourself in it. Do what you want. Be who you want, while being who you are.

I leave for college in 50 days. Less than two months. I'm more confident than I was before, but I'm still scared shitless. I know it will all be alright in the end. It has to be.