There's something burning it casts a pall, it's melting numbers right off the walls...

I've been doing so much thinking lately, there hasn't been much time for anything else. Well, that's when I'm not doing stuff with theatre. And even after all that thinking, I don't have much to say about anything.

New music discovery - Andrew Bird. He's a lot like Sufjan Stevens and I love him. I had to write an album review for the Gazette and I wrote it on Andrew Bird's newest album, Nobel Beast, it just came out on the 20th, it's really really good.

I really hate it when you feel like you have a lot to say, but when you try and say it, you find yourself speechless.

Love of mine someday you will die, but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark...

I've been watching seasons of my favorite teen drama tv show, One Tree Hill and currently, the episodes have been pretty sappy, and it kind of inspired me to write the following poem...

The heart, it aches. Aches for the overwhelming love it has for another, to be returned. Searching for clarity, desperate for a seemingly unfeasible glimpse of hope. The tenacity of the soul pumps through the heart and is sent, fleetingly, through the rest of the body. The mind, is encompassed by the vastness of the heart. Nothing compares. Nothing every will. The mind is very aware of it and perhaps, welcomes it with open arms. Though it may never understand. The mind knows that this is what it has been waiting for. This is what it has always wanted. This is what it has always needed. And now that it has it, it will never let it go. The heart, my heart, it aches.

Tomorrow will be different, so I'll pretend I'm leaving...

So, I've decided where I'm going to college next year, well this year actually. Geez that's a scary thought. I'm really excited though. Missouri State is amazing, I love it there and their program is perfect for me, I'm completely stoked.

On another note, I've found that I'm completely comfortable with who I am. I mean I just realized that I don't care what people think anymore. The people that really know me, love me for who I am and I don't need anyone else. I love myself for who I am, despite a few insecurities and really, I don't need anyone else besides myself, but having those people that I do, it makes things even better. I've also realized that there's no reason to be as self destructive as I am used to being because of those people. It's so strange, I'm not used to being completely content with things I feel like I'm missing something or like something must be about to happen, it's kind of funny. Just everything is okay, even things with John. I've just realized that, yes I really care about him and I have a lot of strong feelings for him and that's okay. If things ever work out in that direction, that would be fantastic, if not, I still have an amazing best friend who cares about me and likes me for who I am and there's nothing else I could possibly ask for. I'm elated in being content with everything. I know where I'm going for college, I know what I'm doing there. I know what I want to do. I know that everything will be okay. My life is fantastic right now.